~May Your Light Shine :D~

Monday, January 09, 2006

I really don't know what made me write this. Probably the guilt built up inside, or the realization that someone can help me out if I write this. A few years ago, I remember a discussion with a group of my peers. We were talking about whether any of us have the strength to say NO when a girl wants to make out with you. My instant reaction was to say yes but as time wore on, I saw that I was not as strong as I thought I would be. girls came and girls went, and thankfully with God's grace I've been able to resist temptation. As experiences passed and left their scars on me, I saw that my Christian Faith was one sad and mutiliated thing. I remember crying in silence as I thought about the condition I was in. A battered tattered soul crying out for God but my lust and sin would never let me find Him. Pornography and lust took center stage in my daily life. The more saw the more I became obsessed by it. I wasted the waters of my Baptism and Crucified Jesus over and over again. I hid behind a mask of faithfulness and dedication to the Church so no one would even think of accusing me of doing such degradable things. A mask I carefully guarded so no one would find out the truth inside. I hated what I've became, hated myself so much. Until late last year, a glimmer of hope shone through my life. God showed me and gave me Love and gave me someone I fell in Love with, a most wonderful person whom I thank God for everyday. It was in that period I found God again, to learn to rededicate my life to him and to count the innummerable blessings He has given me. I confided in a trusted friend in Church, who has stood by me through thick and thin. With help, I'm slowly rebuiling my life back together again, the pieces of a broken life of lies and deceit. I'm growing in strength day by day and though I fall often, by the Grace of God I pick up my Cross and walk again. Jun, you once asked me about my Dark Side, my Past. I know some of the things I've done, you've never expected me to do. I know you're ashamed of being my friend as I was once was ashamed of myself. But here is the Truth, I've got nothing more to hide. Now you know me. The REAL thing. Christians, please pray for me. I am weak, and need your prayers.

P.S: Jun, I'm trusting you with this, please don't tell anyone what I've did, I'll reveal them in my own time.

PolarTwilight blogged at 6:22 PM

May your light shine...
in the darkness...